what is this place?

3 01 2010

Oh… this is my once-frequented BLOG area, where I habitually typed the things that were in my head for a relatively long (and relatively short, to be honest, but that’s relativism for you) time.  I was reading the BLOG of another today, and really enjoying it, when I began to wonder why I haven’t felt like posting for so long.  I came to several conclusions.

For one,  I have unwound myself to such a degree that there doesn’t seem to be very much with which I am involved.  I’ve been a casual observer of all that I have come across, and have been happy to do so.  In fact, the only thing I’m really very directly involved with any longer is my ladyfriend.  Having a ladyfriend for a bunch of months is really the only thing with which I’ve intentionally involved myself.  It is the only choice I’ve made, I think.  Everything else is just what’s around.

And if my ladyfriend is my only active connection to the world, it makes sense that I would be actively thinking and writing about things that involve her.  And I’ve thought about it!  But she has read of this BLOG in the past, and hasn’t promised that she’d stop reading it, so writing things about her and my time with her doesn’t seem like a good use of time.  It seems best to talk about “between us” things with her. I know it sounds crazy.

I know what you’re thinking…  But Douglas, you’ve always come up with inconsequential stuff that nobody cares about for your blog before… what’s changed? I don’t know, honestly.  But things have changed.  I see things a little differently.  I don’t remember my dreams anymore.  I know that doesn’t sound like the trumpet-blared notice that things have changed, but I think it’s pretty important.  I have been remembering my dreams extremely well for about a year before now, but these days, my nocturnal involuntaries slip away from me even as I think I’m recalling them in the mornings.

Now you’re thinking hey man, nothing you’re saying is remotely connected. You’re right.  But I will say that I feel the desire to write junk and stuff and mess welling up within me again, and that I will try to keep it going soon, and maybe we’ll all get lucky and I’ll think of something interesting sometime soon.  It’s 2010, a new year but not a new decade, as my friend said 6 times on New Year’s Eve.

It’s a brand new era, and it feels great.  It’s a brand new era, but it came too late.  As Stephen Malkmus said.

Who else said something?  Oh, I know, and this’ll be the last bit.  A 10-year-old kid was talking to his mother the other day when I visited the mall (standard, not Of America).  Kid:  So why can’t I have it?  Mom:  Because it’s twenty-five dollars, and you only have twenty dollars left of your Christmas money.  Kid:  But you do have five extra dollars you could loan me, but you’re not doing it.  You could easily afford it, and you know I’m good for it, and I’ll pay you back next week.  Mom:  But the point is that you don’t have it, and you need to learn that if you can’t afford something, you don’t need to have it.  Kid:  You could loan me the money and it wouldn’t bother you financially.  So what you’re really saying is that you don’t trust me to pay you back.