ripped off in the incredible city of san francisco

8 07 2009

i wish i had something of interest to report.  i do.  but things are boring.  well, my car was broken into in san francisco.  and my computer, my little 15-inch powerbook buddy, seems to have given up on life, probably taking with him all of my photos from this journey, a handful of written work, and a tiny piece of my heart.  but maybe the story is in the fact that this isn’t a story.

i’m just saying, i remember having my car broken into about 8 years ago.  stolen stereo and sub, jacked up ignition, etc.  ironically, this was also during a period of living out of the car, but don’t take this to mean that i do this often.  coincidence.  anyway, i was inconsolable.  i threw things.  i kicked things.  for weeks afterwards, i cursed the name of someone whose name i did not know.  i considered it further evidence that i was an unlucky person, one who was always being crushed under the weight of a capricious world evil.  i was always waiting to get a break, and never surprised that the break didn’t come my way.

when i tell people i was never exactly sure why i wanted to take time away from working and living in a single place, and that i’m not sure what i’ve learned as a result, and that i’m not sure when or why it will one day end, i am telling the truth.  but then, i do get to recognize that in moments like these, when a couple of nasty things happen to me in a single day—things that are quite inconvenient, situation considered, that have cost me valuables and security and will cost me more of my ever-dwindling savings—when i would have typically reacted poorly, angrily, and sourly in the past, i now feel in no way affected.  or at least feel affected very little.  after surveying my car, i realized that i was walking back to will and jessica’s place with a little grin on my face, even.  it was nice to recognize that i knew an event was just an event, a thing just a thing, and that nothing fundamental, nothing important, had changed.  it’s a good feeling.  i’m not saying i would like for more of my more essential tools to be stolen or destroyed to prove that i don’t have to give a shit.  but if it is all taken away from me, i don’t think i’ll regard it as such a disaster, which is kind of a relief.

to belabor the point, i remember a couple of years ago, my bike was stolen from work.  i didn’t get angry, which was an improvement, but i was definitely upset about it for a few days.  i felt a little sorry for myself.  it’s true.  i moped.  i didn’t feel at all touched by any manner of sadness or self-pity today, though.

i know it’s not purely this trip, this time alternating visiting great friends and spending time alone in incredible locations, that is hammering out this sense of importance into something i quite like, but i can certainly say that it’s part of it.  so maybe it’s not the simplest thing to put into words for people who wonder what i’m getting out of this trip, this time, these things i’m almost randomly doing.  i can’t do a cost-benefit analysis with this tripe, that’s for sure.  but, i like it as it is.  i like it fine.

tangentially related, as much as i seem to forget about it when i leave, i continue to feel extremely right in the san francisco area.  the people here are my people.  smart, interesting, amusing, curious, generous, thoughtful.  should i live here?  this is what i wonder to myself as i publish before putting away my friend’s shiny, newer mac that works just fine, unlike some macs i know.

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One response

9 07 2009
red poncho bear

this is a bummer man. . .this is a bummer. at least they didn’t kill the car though.

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