uncaptured fleeting thoughts/artlessness

22 05 2009

guess what, dudes?  i can’t keep a thought in my head for more than 2 minutes these days.  in the past 5 days, i’ve written two lengthy posts that i ended up not being able to post.  you know how my verbal sputtering is usually extremely difficult to follow but usually coils itself around one decent idea, however sloppily and artlessly?  now, it’s more as though i am blindly dropping fecal bombs off of a 12-story building.

artlessness.  artfulness.  this is an interesting concept to me, because i feel artless in most of my endeavors.  i used to not be so direct and stark; but one day, i decided that hiding your intentions, desires, or thoughts on matters was asking for mistrust, for deceit, for confusion.  so i started trying to be direct.  austere in my descriptions and thoughts.  to cut away the fluff of the experience, i reasoned, was to lay bare the purpose, and to lay bare the purpose was to take a measurable step toward a more true understanding.

but artfulness isn’t a bad thing!  it can be used to make the mundane fantastic, yes?   to excite the boring.  i’m just struggling with its use.  because i feel that it is an important survival tool gone awry in contemporary human society.  we employ our ruses to disguise our true intentions, to hide our insecurities from others and ourselves.  we use it to change the appearances of all manner of our “things.”  we craft our stories in order to leave the desired impression; we alter our appearances in all kinds of ways to present in our desired fashion; we make another person “bad” from our perspective to absolve ourselves of certain culpabilities or a god “good” to explain away the good fortune that finds us in our lives.  but why?  is it because we ultimately don’t want the responsibility of the bent of our lives one way or the next?

i don’t know what i want.  stark truth, or a rosy life, or a joyful existence full of lies, or full of truth, or half and half decaf.

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2 responses

23 05 2009
all is on

I know! omg! I know! You want an old bowling pin, too used ‘n’ abused to suitably fulfill its bowling pin-ly purpose, all reborn andspangled up in glittering nonsense.
That’s it, right?

26 05 2009
red poncho bear

squirrely
i can’t sit still
i can’t do anything at all
i can’t complete a thought

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