brain static

25 12 2008

i’ve long said that i was tired of not being able to think clearly enough; that the immense amount of input in our world was too much noise for a person to have time to peacefully consider any thought to the extent that any thought would deserve (as i believe one can learn something important from just about any object or occurrence, no matter how insignificant it may seem); and that wading through the barrage of information and manipulation that is our sell-buy-desire culture does much to enervate even the most aware of us to the point that, should a quiet moment be found, it’s still a feat to maintain the focus needed to think through even simple things satisfactorily.  i’m not the brightest bulb in the shed, but it’s got to be difficult at times even for the most able among us.

last night, as i lay awake in bed, very physically exhausted, my brain persisted in rattling off all kinds of interesting thoughts to me.  this has happened my entire life, but last night was a vivid and clear enough experience that it reminded me of my years of basically being an insomniac–every thing meant a thousand different things, and i had to sort it all out and understand the world a little better before i could rest.  i’m sure the reasons that my musings have faded include a more solidified conception of the world around me, and of the self within me, and probably simple need for more rest, but i found myself being a little disappointed last night.

i had three or four ideas that i was toying with, and i wanted to write them down.  i wanted to write them out.  but i didn’t.  i convinced myself that i could remember them through morning and write about them then, even though i knew that if i did remember them, i wouldn’t take the time to write them in the morning.  i think i did remember one or two, even.  and i know they’ll recycle, and probably pretty soon.  but, you know, motivation failure.  i disappointed myself.

you’ve probably already observed the detrimental effects of the brain static i started to write about before i completely allowed myself to digress.  less coherent copy, for one.  what’s the point of this, even?  wait, i remember.

i have a harder time keeping it all together when i’m around others… because the tv’s always on, the dinner decision is never resolved, the assface at work never doesn’t force us to complain about him:  people are replicating the static fed to us through our environments.  everything’s ongoing, unresolved, and demanding.  when i want to think, i have to turn everything off and get away from everyone, because you can’t turn us off.  it’s hard enough for me to simply stop doing and take the time to just be–the only real time that things become a little transparent for anyone–and i actually work hard to do so.

is there any chance we can form a global holiday from static?  people stay silent, cars stay still, TVs stay off–let’s even throw the breakers in our houses so that the high-pitched whines from our electric devices, most especially the nonstop shrill shriek of refrigerators, my sworn enemy, can be absent as we stop doing and just see and hear what’s around us?  i foresee some frantically anxious people who don’t know how not to have tasks and bored children and a lot of mind benefits that people don’t necessarily expect.

the harried, hurried, busy-ness of the business of our lives is artificial, planted in our routines and pitch-raised expertly by the society we think we’ve formed.  i’m not so sure that we formed it, really.  but we sure do know how to perpetuate it.




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