You’re Special (in Flatland)

16 09 2008

i’ve been thinking lately about why i seem to prefer to handle all manner of situation at hand rather than think productively about what i’d like from the future and how to make plans in preparation.  i’m able to come up with long-term plans on a superficial level now, which is bounds better than what i’ve been able to do in the past, but the daily schedules never come to anything more than fuzzy detail, and before i know it, i’m far beyond any timetables i might have set.

do i really still believe that i’m simply destined to not enjoy any long-term situation i may find myself in? because that’s the short of it, and i can say that right now–i haven’t ever really believed i’d enjoy doing the same thing, in any respect of life, for too long a time.

and with every walk i consider and eventually reject, i’ve wondered if the problem has truly lay with me the whole time.  so nothing really works for me.  i can’t find a group of people i can work with.  i leave most of my situations thinking there wasn’t enough to challenge and excite me.  come on, do i really think i’m that special?

i’ve realized that the answer is no.  it’s not that i think i’m special. the problem is that everyone else thinks they’re special.  people are encouraged, and all too happily acquiesce, to focusing on themselves, their credentialing, their grades, their commendations and accomplishments, and by the time they’re at a point to contribute, a high percentage of people don’t see the world for whatever it may actually be–they see it as another obstacle to their goals.  they look for ways to manipulate it to accommodate them instead of making it as best for all.  they seek to mark and defend their territory rather than ensure their harmony by helping to ensure the harmony of others.

and i can’t live with people like that, man.  or, at least, i suck at it.  i can’t warp my view of the world to fit into the dominant school of thought, and i can’t figure out how to convince people that there are other options.

i guess it’s why i’m so interested in modern physics and its implications for a new understanding of reality.  a book i was recently reading put it well.  in Flatland, a book written in the late 1800’s, the two-dimensional world had a set of beliefs and rules, among which were that since you could only see two dimensions, there were two dimensions, and your standing in society hinged on the number of sides you had and how clean your geometry was.  all was even keel until one day a sphere showed up and presented itself to a square, who thought he’d gone crazy.  after a while, though, he accepted the 3d sphere.  then he sought to explain the 3d solid to others, who thought he was crazy and tried to ignore him until he grew to understand the 3d world that was once foreign to him and was able to manifest himself into a cube.  and no matter the resistance, that third dimension was in the cards for flatland.

so, like i was saying, i think i’m starting research on fractals soon.