Design and Evolution: Babies are Passé

25 02 2008

Someone I know had a baby shower very recently. AND I WAS INVITED. I did attend, briefly, because it was during working hours. I bought her a Winnie the Pooh blanket set because it was listed on the registry as “Poo Receiving Blankets.” I was a little offended at first, because aren’t dudes supposed to be exempt from this manner of ridiculousness?

Then I realized that I was being offended by a culture with which I’m not naturally associated, and that made it better. I had no right to be offended by that with which I am only connected by happenstance, being unlucky in time and space. So I got to be “objective” again.

Postulation: Inventor(s) of the human race intentionally protracted the human gestation period so that people couldn’t possibly connect the SEX ACT to the unfortunate outcome: needy progeny.


A. The inventors knew that the intense pain of birth and the protracted throbbing pain of parenthood would be conditions humans would be keen to avoid if they’d figured out the cause and effect. So they made the SEX ACT intensely (if temporally) pleasurable and biologically (not logically) fulfilling. The outcome, being 3/4 of a year away, would be very difficult to tie to said act for primitive-minded people.

B. The inventors figured that once humans advanced SCIENCE far enough to learn of the cause-and-effect of SEX ACT and progeny, the jig would be up and their experiment would have run the course of its usefulness, as higher brain functioning humans would choose not to condemn themselves to parenthood. Their assumption has been proven wrong, however, trumped by a prevailingly low-functioning high-brained species.

Ha, ha, right? Big joke on humankind, to prove ourselves so stupid. But Office Jacki had a good point to make.

Office Jacki: But if you think about it, the smartest of us have thought about it and choose to end the cycle. Even the otherwise intelligent ones who can’t overcome the biological urge to reproduce only have 1 or 2 at most. The rest of the world, however, pops them out like it’s their job.

Office Jacki has a point. We are partially evolved. And probably will eventually all die still partially evolved.

I was thinking about how to manage living the rest of my days as one of the enlightened minority. I was feeling kind of alone and semi-depressed on the subject, when I got an unintended nugget of genius from Friend Erica over email:

Friend Erica: “i pretend like i don’t see babies if they are in the office.”

It made me feel much better. I hope it’s done the same for you.




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